What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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