Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
