I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
