last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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