Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
