Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Semen is not good for contacts.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
