apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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