I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
