Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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