they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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