so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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