her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
