I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
