i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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