I think my fart just growled at me.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
