I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
