Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
soo... how was my night?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
