R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
