Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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