Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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