We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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