She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
