I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
