you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I have demons in me.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
