you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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