Quick, to the slutcave!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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