all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
