Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
