found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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