The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
