Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
