I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
