if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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