some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
