Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
