It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Pappa wants mamma naked
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
