And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
