What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
