I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
