Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
