WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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