does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
