Porn is love you can see.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
