i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
