you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
