who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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