you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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