Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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