i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
