We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
