So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
